disclaimer: this is a dark and critical post, don't read it if you don't want to read hear my frustrations.
I have these neighbors, a couple. They moved in at a time when a number of strangely rough and unmotivated bar industry individuals, all socially and vocationally interlinked to one another, had moved into my downton complex of live/work artist lofts. Needless to say they turned the only downtown living quarters with a gate and front lawn into a daytime Coors light can and base-bumping top billboard hits headquarters and turned the concept of artists' lofts to "artists'" lofts within days of their aggregate arrival.
That could be one reason why I was so pleased to encounter the new couple. They initially appeared so normal and delightful that even as certain events unfolded and truth pointed otherwise, I continued to imagine that maybe these were the intelligent, wholesome and fun friends I've been continuously searching for. I imagined we could cook heirloom vegetable dinners, play scrabble, and go see live shows since they were into similar music. Somewhat selfish, yes, but San Diego is a somewhat philistine suburban sprawl of a city, and making intelligent, interesting and sincere friends has been tough. At least for me. Anyway, she seemed sweet, and he energetic, and I genuinely delighted in their company. At the very beginning.
Then things, as they usually do with time, began to surface. I quickly realized that business came first, and friendship much much later on their list of priorities. His energetic facade showed glimpses of a fake, pushy and opportunistic behavior geared mainly at a business agenda, and her sweetness melted into a self-centered and judgemental personality with an alarming lack of sincerity.
On our third or so outing, she began to reveal her actual thoughts. Here I must say that my deadpan and dry sense of humor does get lost on occassion, moreso in San Diego than say Seattle, Paris, and New York. I was recalling a story of design studio and punctuating it with [what I perceived as] witty, sarcastic remarks. At one point my friend and one half of the couple in question roared with laughter. Since she seemed quiet I glanced at her to make sure she got the joke.
She looked at me with a such a mixture of haughty disdain and hesitant reservation that I felt compelled to continue. I finished my story.
The incidents didn't stop there. Every so often when we'd get together go straight into this mode, where she'd whisper to her husband, make those around her uncomfortable and create reasons why we all had to turn around and leave our place of choice for a social gathering.
I eventually realized that these were people who would meet you for dinner at a gastropub only to leave once they realized their beer of first choice was not offered on the menu. Shameless.
If there's one thing that I detest more than explicit self-centered jerks, it's solely self-concerned jerks masquerading around under the pretense of sincerely, carefree and sweet people.
Another thing I realized throughout this process is that my friends are incredible, and instead of growing the circle, I need to focus on them. Even if San Diego's sprawl makes it impossible for us to not have to drive nearly half an hour to meet for a coffee, a picnic or night out. All the more reason for a dense and vibrant urban core! But that's a different topic and a different post.
