But this past year has come with alot of mixed feelings. Too many sad events. I have been so scared lately. Worried. About my family, that's had to suffer the deaths of two family members this past year. But more than anything I'm worried about my Mom. I could try to explain here how much I love her, and how completely alone I'd feel without her by me, and how I'm starting to feel that I've lived too far, having moved here to the West Coast, and for too long, without living une vie quotidienne near her. This past year has made me morbid and scared. But it wasn't without joy either. Despite it all, every day there is something to feel incredibly giddy about. This dichotomy of life is so fascinating, so much happening simultaneously, taking us from inspired and exuberant to devastated. Tragedy interlaced with sheer, pure happiness. That's what makes the experience of oneself and all that's around us so thrilling.
And seeing as how this is the last Friday in 2012, and it's snowing gorgeous soft snowflakes in Milwaukee, I can't help but feel grateful amidst harsh realities. Grateful for every moment, every sensation, grateful for my beautiful mother and her soft voice and for how she still handfeeds me berries [read: stuffs them into my mouth as though I were 2] as I sit at my laptop, designing or researching.
There's a new year around the corner that I'm completely not ready for. Or maybe I am. Maybe if I keep living in the moment like this I won't mind that the year is here before I'm ready for it.
I'd like to wish everyone who reads this a mindful, introspective new year. May you live in the moment much more often, stop to acknowledge how grateful you are to be where you are, and enjoy all of the beautiful ephemera that life gives us.
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